Friday, January 25, 2013

SENIOR JOKE - Gun Control for Seniors

Here is another funny email Joke that I received yesterday. 

There was a bit of confusion at the Sporting Goods store this morning.

When I was ready to pay for my purchases of gun powder and bullets the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me."

Making a mental note to complain to the NRA about the gun registry people running amok, I did just as she had instructed.
When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out that she was referring to my credit card.

I have been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.
They need to make their instructions to us seniors a little clearer!
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Saturday, January 19, 2013

SENIOR JOKE - The Coyote - A satire.


Roadside Sign from Flikr

What a funny joke that is actually a good, yet exaggerated, example of how our politicians can function when we let them get out of control!


THE COYOTE
 


California :

 
The Governor of Californiais jogging with his dog along a nature
trail.

A coyote jumps out and attacks the Governor's dog, then bites the
Governor.

1. The Governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie
"Bambi" and then realizes he should stop because the coyote is only
doing what is natural.

2. He calls animal control . Animal Control captures the coyote
and bills the State $200 testing it for diseases and $500 for relocating
it.

3. He calls a veterinarian. The vet collects the dead dog and bills the State $200 testing it for diseases.

4. The Governor goes to hospital and spends $3,500 getting checked for diseases from the coyote and on getting his bite wound bandaged.

5. The running trail gets shut down for 6 months while Fish & Game conducts a $100,000 survey to make sure the area is now free of dangerous animals.

6. The Governor spends $50,000 in state funds implementing a
"coyote awareness program" for residents of the area.

7. The State Legislature spends $2 million to study how to better
treat rabies and how to permanently eradicate the disease throughout the world.

8. The Governor's security agent is fired for not stopping the
attack. The State spends $150,000 to hire and train a new agent with
additional special training re: the nature of coyotes.

9. PETA protests the coyote's relocation and files a $5 million suit
against the State.

TEXAS :
 
The Governor of Texas is jogging with his dog along a nature
trail. A Coyote jumps out and attacks his dog.

1. The Governor shoots the coyote with his State-issued pistol and keeps jogging. The Governor has spent $0.50 on a .45 ACP hollow point cartridge.

2. The Buzzards eat the dead coyote.

And that, my friends, is why California is broke andTexas is not.


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Friday, January 18, 2013

Senior Joke - The Hypnotist in the Senior Center


Sunset, by Don Bobbitt
Here is a funny one I received via someone's email broadcast.


 It was entertainment night at the Senior Center . 
Claude the hypnotist  exclaimed: "I'm here to put you into a trance; I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."

 The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat.
 "I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my
family for six generations."

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch. . ."

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. 

Hundreds of pairs eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.

 "SHIT!" said the Hypnotist.

It took three days to clean up the Senior Center .
Claude was never invited back to entertain.

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Sunday, January 13, 2013

SENIOR JOKE - Receptionist and Protocol

Pic via Flickr

Here is another good Senior Joke for your nejoyment:


They always ask at the doctor's reception why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what's wrong and sometimes it is embarrassing.

There's nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you, in a room full of other patients. I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it.

A 75-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk. The Receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?'

'There's something wrong with my dick', he replied.

The receptionist became irritated and said, 'You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that.  ' 


'Why not, you asked me what was wrong and I told you,' he said.

The Receptionist replied; 'Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people.
You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something, and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private.'

The man replied, 'You shouldn't ask people questions in a roomful of strangers if the answer could embarrass anyone.
The man then decided to walk out, waited several minutes, and then re-entered.

The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes??'

'There's something wrong with my ear,' he stated.
 

The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice.
'And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?'

'I can't piss out of it,' he replied.

The waiting room erupted in laughter.

Mess with seniors and you're going to lose!


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Some Products on Amazon designed for SENIORS




Sunday, January 6, 2013

Just Thinkin' #6 The Middle-Class and Senior Plight

I was sitting here, watching the great Sunday Morning News Marathon and it hit me.

How many times can Congress and our supposed
representatives keep "stealing' the moneys of the Poor, the Lame, and the Elderly, and thrust it into the pockets of the un-thankful around the World?


How bad off do we have to be before they notice the plight of the Middle-Class being slowly strangled financially?

Are we being reshaped into a true "2012" scenario where we all work for minimum wage where we can only put in our hours at work and then go ome and sit in front of an old TV, without any real hope of having a better life.

Just Thinkin'
Don